I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there’s no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this with people? Why aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I’ll tell you why, because paper can’t beat anybody. When I play rock paper scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I’m sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! - Anonymous.

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Strange Indian Mentality

Today, driving my small little white box (otherwise known as Maruti800) at the monotonous speed of 40km/hour, the mind also in a sleepy haze; I came upon the notice of things everyone does every time that are as unimportant and uninteresting as the phone I never attend.

We Indians have a knack of breaking the traffic-signal, overtaking from the wrong side, never requiring the amazing invention of the green indicators and so on. While this may not entirely hold true of the big metropolitans with their mostly alert and scary Traffic Police and the sneaky Interceptors, the rest of the country's small cities often face the wrath of two-wheelers and four-wheelers, also three-wheelers with their impaled direction-sense.

Now to the point:

They bought a new car: OoooH, It's a NEW car. It needs to be ridden of the devils it possesses with a special pooja. Also, do not remove the seat plastic covers, the car will get dusty. It doesn't matter just how hot and sticky it is... the plastic Remains.

Traffic Jam: What. The road's blocked. Nobody can steer anywhere and the pace is dead slow. Well, that's okay but I'll HONK. I know that the ten cars ahead of me are just as stuck but I want to honk. When I keep on honking again and again and again, I don't know how it would help...but I just want to Honk.

Scratch: A small accident in the middle of the road. Nobody's hurt. No damage that'll hurt the car/bike's "feelings". BUT I'll get out and fight. It's the peak rush hour. I'll stand in the middle of the traffic and not bother about the ambulance being delayed. I just want to fight for that scratch !

Kings & Queens: They are everywhere. Quite and serene. Walking at a gradual pace, leaving their foot-prints everywhere. They can stand still. Chat in the middle of the road. Or just ponder and procrastinate. And we'll all happily oblige to help in their everlasting comfort. The Cows.

And the scariest and the most petrifying element on the Indian roads breaking all state barriers literally are the one and only Indian. Bus. Drivers. ... *crescendo*

And in all this mayhem and pandemonium somewhere is "I" at a glacial pace, who somehow miraculously manages to reach back home safe and sound. :)

Yet, we love it here.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Cuddle weather... Not!

Today. Evening. Raining.


Hail Stormmmmmmmmm !!!!!!!

*Picks a few of them. Feel like little stones.*

By the innocent excitement and the much obvious exclamations, you must have figured I've never seen a Hail Storm before. Well, only 'hail' as the storm part does not quite fit the ten minutes pitter-patter.

Being out there for those few moments [in the porch], a strange yearning to dance in the rain caught hold of me. Now, dancing in the rain is a phenomenon everybody is accustomed to. And, we all also are aware of the fact of never stepping out when the sky is "throwing stones" on the said dance-floor. However, the fact that sometimes, mostly, I act on impulse... is not a good thing.

Those Ice Stones HIT Your Head Bad !

Enough Said. :|

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Embrace Awkward.

Unfinished assignments lying everywhere. Tapping my foot on the beat of the song playing on the stereo. It went something like "dil mein baji guitar lah lah lah blah blah blah!" It was yesterday evening and I was clearly bored.

*ding* oooh text message. something to do.

It was a long-time-no-see-school-friend:

School-Friend: Hey. hw r u? been ages. wt's hapnin in life!

Me: heyey.. I know..been long... just college and submissions and the usual .. You say?

School-Friend: K


K? K what? The letter between J and L. Did you know that in JK, K stands for kidding. So is your reply "Kidding"? Or K as in potassium? Do you need some Special K in breakfast? K as in I can K/O you. Can I knock you out and feed you to sharks? Sharks has K in it. :| -- Anonymous.

Very much awkward. The thing is that I've way too many awkward moments. I like to believe everyone does too.
How awkward are B'days. When people are clapping & singing "Happy Birthday" to you and you're sitting like a dumb-fuck wondering what to do with your hands. And the Happy-birthday-to-yous are long, what with the zoo animals and the many boyfriends and dwarfs.

Have you had any of those awkward moments when ...

You start telling a story and realize no one's listening, so you kinda stop and pretend like you never said anything.

You lose your mum in a store and walk around like an idiot trying to find her.

You call your Principal (while talking to a teacher) Mrs. Rakhi Sawant instead of Mrs. Rakhi what-ever's-the-name. [this wasn't me]

You say "what come again", even after the person has repeated themselves 3 times, and then you pretend like you got it.

You wave back and you realize they weren't waving at you.

You say something that you really shouldn't have.

You want to buy something; show excitement, check the price, sadly keep it back ... And avoid the eye of the sales person who was looming over your head.

You make a joke and nobody gets it.

You are told to go Left and you go Right.

And the worst. We can have the drum-rolls for this one... When you're a girl and mistakenly walk into a the guy's washroom and they are taking a pee.

I would have been ready to sell my soul to the Devil... just to disappear and never have existed.

As a matter of fact, the spelling of awkward itself is very awkward. Had there not been a spell-check, this post would have read "Embrace akward"

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Confessions of a clueless mind.

Veronica: What a boring two days...
Betty: Wait till I update it in my blog, it's gonna sound way more awesome!


My granny has a family astrologer who every once-in-a-while pays every extended family member a "visit-$".
So, there he was chatting with my parents (my mother tapping her foot restlessly), holding some old, long off-white sheets of paper. They were horoscopes :D
It does not make a difference of how big a non-believer I am, it got me excited. Fascinated as I stay with small little things, I told Mum even I want mine "old, long off-white sheet of paper-horoscope" read out.
Mine was a long sheet written in Sanskrit and Hindi, two boxes with a lot of numbers and a weird drawing around it. [Gave-up. It had math.]
Anyhow, he looked at it for a while, stated that it wasn't a complete horoscope and that I should in future get a whole "six pages something" made. Now-a-days, it's made online. (So, the machines had taken over them too)
He told me I'll study A LOT, which was a major disappointment as I hate that part of the mind-boggling life. Damn.
On asking what I might be pursuing as a career (with so much studying :P) he was clueless [wtf?! :|]. He could not see anything. Now in times like these we drop the f-bomb, however, the fact that I'll study wayyy too much and not get anything out of it is well..erm... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH
HOW does he expect me TO LIVE!
Study = Earnings = Retail Therapy and Shoes = Oxygen

Blah. That was my utterly wasted and disheartening Sunday.


Aim: To attend All the lectures in the day.

Lecture I -- Eco-stats
Numbers and ∑'s jumping & dancing.
"Everyone pay attention, here!" Ooooh, a sparrow by the window sill.

Lecture II -- Advertising 
"I want your assignments."
erm. well. black-out.
"No assignments. No attendance."

Lecture III -- English Lit.
Something was being said about the influences of Wordsworth and Shakespeare.
Wordsworth lost control of his rocket. He's panicking. He thinks of daffodils and nature. Meanwhile, Shakespeare is riding a meteor. His big belly (beer belly?), making him look like humpty-dumpty.
Hmm, it looked a lot more funnier in my head.

With the strangest subject combination on Planet Earth that only sound cooler when told, but in reality are aimless leading to jobless leading to an Apocalypse.

Hence, the Confessions of a clueless mind, the Astrologer now making it official.
*A long and heavy Sigh*